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[Previous Joke: "Leave Us Alone"] [Main Index] [Next Joke: "Cheating On Me"]
You Know You're Getting Marvelously Mature When
You and your teeth don't sleep together.
Your try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and discover you aren't wearing any.
At the breakfast table you hear snap, crackle, pop and you're not eating cereal.
Your back goes out but you stay home.
When you wake up looking like your driver's license picture.
It takes two tries to get up from the couch.
When your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.
When happy hour is a nap.
When you're on vacation and your energy runs out before your money does..
When all you want for your birthday is to not be reminded of your age.
Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.
It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.
Your memory is shorter and your complaining lasts longer.
Your address book has mostly names that start with Dr.
You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.
The pharmacist has become your new best friend.
The twinkle in your eye is merely a reflection from the sun on your bifocals.
It takes twice as long - to look half as good.
You look for your glasses for half an hour and they were on your head the whole time.
You sink your teeth into a steak - and they stay there.
You give up all your bad habits and still don't feel good.
You have more patience, but it is actually that you just don't care anymore.
You wonder how you could be over the hill when you don't even remember being on top of it.
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Some people say that I must be a horrible person, but that's not at all true. I have the heart of a young boy. ...In a jar.... On my desk. -- Steven King
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