| Home |
|
|
|
| Hooverdog.com : Good Joke : Useless Facts |
|
|
|
||||
[Previous Joke: "Start the Car"] [Main Index] [Next Joke: "The Confession Session"]
Useless Facts
A "noggin" is also a half a cupful of whatever.
Q. How does a lobster breathe?
A. Takes in water through its legs, lets it out through its head. Odd, but not to the lobster, who thinks we breathe funny maybe.
Q. What makes an "infant" different from a "baby"?
A. "Infancy" comes from the Latin for "without language," so a baby is only an infant until it starts to talk.
Don't you think "Cinnamon" -- it's bark -- is a good name for a puppy?
Q. There are six classes of musical instruments: "string," "woodwind," "brass," "percussion," "keyboard" and "other." In which is the harmonica?
A. "Other."
Q. "Why do city dogs live longer, statistically, than country dogs?"
A. Small dogs live longer than large dogs, and city dogs tend to be of the smaller variety.
Q. What's the difference between a pie and a tart?
A. The tart is open faced.
You're always in the exact center of the rainbow you see. This is not just philosophical, it's scientifically accurate.
"Ukraine" means "frontier." You know the religious denomination there that's growing fastest? Baptist.
Lot of animals have hands, sort of. And can hold them out flat. But only humans can turn the palms of the outstretched hands up then down or down then up.
Only before its first meal of the day can the electric eel zap out that 640 volts.
Q. How long do big league baseball players use the same gloves?
A. Infielders, a year. Outfielders, seven to 10 years. Typically.
Only captive-born and people-raised parrots can be taught to talk.
The original mincemeat in mincemeat pies was the flesh of small birds.
Researchers say fewer letter carriers are bitten by dogs in England than anywhere else, but it's not known whether this is due to the temperament of English dogs or to the speed of English carriers.
Q. Where'd that old name for a dog -- "Fido" -- come from?
A. Latin. Means "trusting," roughly. It's a cousin of such words as fidelity, faithful, fiduciary.
Any fisherman will tell you it's against the law to use goldfish for bait.
In the mid-1960s, scientists came up with straight bananas, but nobody would buy them.
Few realize Abraham Lincoln's likeness is represented not once but twice on the Lincoln penny.
A hopping kangaroo takes one breath per hop.
Eucalyptus leaves contain a narcotic. That cute little koala lives out most of its life stoned.
Pepper is a vine.
You get more mail on Thursdays, if typical.
All polar bears have bad breath. And that goes for eagles, too.
Greenland's schools teach fur sewing.
If you order your delivered pizza uncut, it should get to your place about 10 degrees hotter. Or so says a pizza maker.
Owls outlive elephants.
Among army ants, the commanding general is always female.
It's reported more men than women use deodorant. There's a reason for everything, I guess.
Q. What sort of plaything is in the most homes worldwide?
A. Crayons.
You're colorblind at dusk.
Am asked what mammal feeds while standing on its head in water. The walrus does that.
Having no thumb, a baby elephant sucks its trunk.
Believe I forgot to mention that mice can't stand the smell of fresh peppermint.
X-ray a live snake and you'll kill it.
A grasshopper's eggs won't hatch unless they've been frozen.
Understand there's a kind of shrimp with eyes in its tail, so predators have to sneak up in front of it.
A mother porpoise nurses her baby for a year and a half and burps the little rascal by tapping its underside with her nose.
A penguin can swim a lot faster than a salmon.
Men walk from the knee. Women walk from the hip.
Sprinkle salt on a garden slug and it will dissolve. Not the salt. The slug.
Tumbleweeds don't grow on uncultivated land.
Guinea pigs don't sweat.
The women in Cuba have long needed permits to buy bras.
Both Thomas Edison and A. Conan Doyle seriously experimented with devices they thought might let them talk to the dead.
No Pilgrim could wear that Pilgrim's hat -- wide brim, high crown -- unless he owned property worth at least 200 pounds.
Q. How do we know the Egyptians as far back as 2500 B.C. did surgical operations?
A. Such are depicted. On old tombs, significantly.
Berthed ships make groaning whining noises -- rubbing of wood against wood -- heard nowhere but along the waterfront. If you've lived around those sounds, the memory of them never goes away. It's said seafarers and longshoremen hear them in their sleep until they die.
When telling a lie, a person's voice tends to rise. That's one of the things those voice print experts look for.
One job is offered for every 1,470 resumes sent in. This is the average at last report.
Shortbread isn't a bread. It's a thick cookie.
================
My mother said to me, "If you are a soldier, you will become a general. If you are a monk, you will become the Pope." Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso. -- Pablo Picasso
Copyright Hooverdog.com 2003